Freedom's Price

Earlier today, a Delhi court ruled that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and Blogger (Yes, this one too) need to remove all anti-religious and anti-social posts within 6 weeks.

A bold and absurd ruling, I would think.

And I hope you'd agree too. How about an old man ordering the young to remove their legs so they don't walk faster? Or better yet, the government making it illegal for women to drive cars because if they did they might have to go out alone, crash their cars (lousy women drivers) or worst ... talk to strangers!

But how is that relevant here? Maybe it is not. Maybe I just brought it up for no reason. Or maybe it is.

What the court and Kapil Sibal want you and me to do is keep our criticism to ourselves. It sounds like a very reasonable request. Or is it?

When it comes to preaching religion (anything for that matter), one of the common traits you'd see (if you notice) is that the biggest selling point for their faith is the 'proof' that everybody else is wrong. Which is a valid approach since science too accepts a theory if it disproves every available counter theory.  Now having said that, how do you sell a religious view without justification or slander of other ideas? That would be boring and hardly suffice.

Every person of faith can identify with this. Every time a friend comments on how the 'others' are wrong, a feeling of satisfaction creeps up. It is almost like you have been saved. Thank God you are not one of them. Thank God He hates everybody you hate too. Thank God.

I am not sure how the government expects the social network giants to monitor user posts. What is offensive to you might not be offensive to me. What you deem inappropriate may be pure fun to me. Who makes the call? Mostly an old school idiot who can't get the idea of 'tweeting'. Oh, and speaking of twitter, which became famous purely because man likes to speak his mind will have a tough time coping. Maybe they would follow the footsteps of China. If they could do it, why not us?

But then, China, unlike us is mostly a communist state and we are a ... uh 'religious, secularist, democratic, capitalist and what not' state. If there is anything that we will become, it won't be a China. It would be a collection of Saudis, Gaddaffi Libyas, Saddam Iraqs and Sri Lankas.

Coming back to gender based driving, when you are robbed of your freedom of expression you will break down ... slowly, but surely. It is not freedom when you are intolerant to anything that you don't like.

Would you like Facebook to replace the 'like' button with a 'Kiss Ass' button?

Would you like Facebook to replace 'What's on your mind?' with 'Praise the Lord!' ?

Almost anything can be dismissed as anti-religious or anti-social. Evolution is anti-religion, for that matter. Any thought provoking article can be dismissed on similar grounds and all we will have left is a bunch of stupid ignorant people controlled by a bunch of bigoted fools.

Quoting Voltaire, 'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.'


And, hoping you get 'mad as hell' ...

New Year - 2011

It is such an exciting thing - people filled with glee exchanging wishes and rushing to stores to get gifts. I like the idea of people willing to spend a lot in the last week of the year. All the retail stores take advantage of this and have unrealistic 'special' offers. 'Who would need 50 cans of coke at a 3 dollar discount?', I thought to myself. Minutes later I see an old man loading his shopping cart with a hundred cans. I guess I was dead wrong.

And on the first of January (today), I realise that the mood has changed. The shopping malls are empty. Maybe the buyers feel it is too late. Even the retailers are discouraging. All the signs of special offers are gone. Or maybe I was not looking in the right places. Either way, it makes least sense and is irrelevant to what I was thinking about before I started writing this post.

I love the idea of a 'New Year'. It feels like I have been given a second chance; like opening a new book or tearing off the used pages in old one and starting afresh (I personally like the 'sellotape idea'). Even the ones who don't believe in a New Year make resolutions. It is a psychologically satisfying thing. But what interests me most is not the beginning of the New Year, but the ending of the old one. The last few days are the 'days that don't count'.

Procrastinators (a great example being me) feel the least guilt during these days. It is almost like you have the right to push things to the beginning of the year. It feels so right. Take this post for example - I wanted to write a post everyday in the last week of December. And I post the first one on the first of January. I rest my case.

And yeah, wish you all a very Happy New Year. Mind you, I wish you not for religious reasons, but to give a tiny serving of hope so you start whatever you have had in your mind for months and had been pushing it away for now. If you haven't started it by today, don't bother. I shall remind you next year!

Religious Fanatics and Adult Movie Stars

Please click on the picture for a better view. I should think of taking better pictures next time.

Speaking Tongues

I enjoy meeting new people and talking about new things. It excites me. Makes me feel like I am a new man for a while and realize the vast boundaries of land I am yet to see.

Language is never an issue in such circumstances. English, being the national language of India ( Yes, I said it. You can get away with English in any capital, not Hindi) it is fair to assume that anybody who looks educated would speak the language.

But we do get overly excited when we see people who speak our mother tongue. It is a natural thing. We like to speak our tongue. It makes us feel .. at home.

Once, when I was en route to Bangalore in a bus, I met this gentleman who sat next to me. I was listening to music and so I did not pay much attention or even bother to have a conversation. The guy asked me something for which I nodded affirmatively. He assumed I spoke his language (Kannada, I guess) and started a conversation in it. I did not want to disappoint the fellow and hence I replied in English to what I could interpret from the dialogue. My responses were excused as I was also simultaneously listening to music.

We reached our destination and it was time to take off my earphones. I wanted to sneak away, but ended up meeting the guy at the other side of the bus. It was a question... or maybe a declarative statement. It had the word 'auto' in it and hence I assumed he asked me if I wanted to share a cab with him. I said 'no thank you, I am waiting for a friend to pick me up'. The guy paused for a while and gave me a look of disbelief. It was over.

He smiled and asked me, 'I thought you spoke Telugu. I asked you where I could get an auto rickshaw here'.

I smiled ... and blushed ... and pointed him to a driver.

Being Brown, Out of Town

Racist attack on Indians in Australian soil has been one of the biggest money makers for the Indian press. It is a genuine concern and I have had many of my loved ones enquire about the 'situation' in Sydney. I have been here for over a year and what happened today is an interesting episode that fits well in this category.

For starters, I am Indian and I live in Sydney. Life has been great so far and I have not got into any 'racial' trouble, so to speak. Today was one of those days when I wanted to get my hands on some good Indian food and so my friends and I went for a drive in search of an affordable, yet enjoyable biriyani. We looked up on Google for restaurants in the vicinity and decided on a location that looked very 'Indian'.

Seated at the door was an old gentleman who resembled one of those men who stood at the entrance and great you outside our restaurants in India. I smiled at him, but I got none in return- maybe he was not in his best mood. We walked in and sat at a table for four. The prices were ridiculously high- I guess that explains why there was no one else but us and the waiters. We placed our order as we scanned through the environment. Framed pictures on the wall made it obvious that the gentleman at the door owned the joint. 

As we waited for our food a couple of white folks walked in. The gentleman at the door put on a broad smile and welcomed them. I gave him the benefit of doubt. The new customers were entertained with such grace that I started feeling ... you know ... small. Another white couple walked in and they received the same treatment.

The owner stood by them and served them personally. My friends and I were observing the whole thing. I joked at how racist the guy was. But the mood turned more serious when my friend told me how he was a waiter and was 'trained' at another Indian restaurant. The waiters are advised to serve the white well as they tip you more. 

I paid the bill and proceeded to walk out. The man yelled out a lifeless and obligatory 'thanks' at us. Maybe he was glad we were leaving. 

I'd like to make a statement here, just to my Indian mates. Don't just blame the foreigners for being racists. Kill the racist in you before you comment on racism. 

Pizza Delivery Rant

Today was one of those lovely days. It was raining cats, dogs, witches and drunk bitches, thanks to halloween. I love to do delivery for various reasons. None of which were relevant earlier tonight. It is never fun to ride a bike when it rains, especially with a helmet on. And rushing for a delivery with hot stuff in a cold night just adds to the excitement.

The first delivery was to a sports fan. I know so as he had ordered a 'healthy choice pizza' and ran back into his apartment before paying me for it. I had to knock on his door to get my money. The first time I went to make the delivery, I reached into the bag and the pizza was missing.  I rushed back to the store and came back with the pizza and this time the customer went missing. I hit the buzzer, dropped the pizza and got back on my ride and the bike's key was missing. I dropped my phone in water and now the screen on it is missing - she died.

The weather was bad and so the pizza was cold. I couldn't apologise for the inconvenience as he wasn't even keen on paying up. I got back to the store to see the same customer has ordered the same pizza again. I took it to him and this time he didn't pay me.

The next two deliveries went smooth. The fourth one was to a house that was approximately 20 seconds away from my store. Thats right - across the road. I was there with a stack of pizzas and a beautiful woman answered the door. She said she couldn't pay as her husband had all the money and he was at the shower. What? No seriously. This is what she said. I waited there for 15 minutes outside the door, by the rainy sidewalk.

The fifth was at a luxury apartment. I was totally wet - soaked like a soap bar in the middle of a shower. The lady goes, 'is it raining outside?'. 'Nah, I like to get a shower before I do a delivery', I said 'that would be 52 dollars'. 'Can I pay you just 50 dollars?' she asked ' I don't have any change'. What am I to do here? I mean seriously. I just gave the pizza and took the money.

The rain wasn't stopping any time sooner and the customers weren't too. Customers are like babies. Now don't imagine cute toddlers with an innocent smile in a pink background on a fluffy towel next to a white teddy bear. I am talking about whining children who poop every 3 minutes and cry every 2. They are always demanding, sitting on their lazy arses and whining. I would want to pull out my imaginary gun and pop a cap in their skulls. But I would smile and go 'here is your order and that would be 20 dollars, thanks'.

Where's My Money ? - Realistic Money Management Tips

Why is it so hard to manage money? Where did all that money you had in your wallet just a day ago go now? Why is the first week of a month a breeze and the last week a sneeze? (silly, but it still rhymes) ... Do all these questions trouble you often? Wish you had a magic money management method? Welcome aboard!

I came across this idea which would change my life forever. It could help you too. In fact it could help you in various aspects of your life other than money management. It is relatively an uncommon trait that goes with a common name, 'common sense'. That's right! I know, we realize this every month as soon as we know we are broke and forget it as soon as our wallets get replenished.

Since my present financial state is close to that of a child ( not that of any child prodigy. I refer to the kids in the streets) it is high time I put some tips to practice. I have made note of them and I thought it might be useful to you too.


My Tips:

1) Learn to say NO

We've heard this too many times. But still it isn't easy. I don't mean saying No to friends. That's easy when you are broke. A solid No comes right out of your mouth even before your friend asks for anything. Say No to yourself when your crazy friend comes up with an awesome business plan that could make you a millionaire in a month. If it sounds too good to be true, IT IS NOT !

2) Be smart, but not a smart ass!

Counting chickens before they hatch might have worked for that Bentley driving, crazy glasses wearing Arindam Chaudry. But trust me, being a little skeptic never hurts. You might not make it big being skeptic, but you'd still have money to pay your rent. Experiment only on the money you afford to blow up.

3) Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize!

Wish I could stress this point even further. Making a budget is a logical thing that most adults do, but they tend to whine over things that have already happened. Make a list of things that you need to pay up ever month/ year (bills and stuff). Consider this sum of money is not yours. You have no right to spend it on yourself or others.

4) Lend only to the considerate friend

Friends can be of great help at hard times. But they can be such a pain in the pajamas too! Rank your friends on the basis of trustworthiness (Not on facebook!). Not every friend you lend money to would pay you back in time. Never lend money to your 'new' friend. If you knew your friend too well, you'd know if he/she is really in need of money.

To be on the safer side, lend only to friends smaller than your size. It is a lot easier to reason with them when you need your money back.

5) Reward yourself 

Practice rewarding yourself for little things you have achieved. This practice can curb 'impulse buying'. Next time you are tempted to get that classy watch promise yourself that you'd get it if you really deserve it. (Conditions apply. Watch may not be beyond the monthly budget and it shall never belong to someone else!). And if you have fulfilled your requirement to buy it, do buy it. Make sure you don't find excuses for why you can avoid it now ( This keeps the economy going).

6) Get some exercise

This might sound off topic, but it really isn't. Now I don't mean getting enrolled with the most expensive gym with promises of losing 10 kilos in a month. Learn some stuff about keeping fit. A little exercise keeps your mind fresh and your diet becomes alot cheaper too.

Imagine all the money you can save if you just said No to junk food! Junk food is really not worth the money put in. It is like pornography. It makes you feel great for now. Then you keep cursing yourself at the mirror. In fact they both go hand in hand. Healthier mind needs a healthier body which needs healthier food. Now think about this for yourself.

A healthier you or a frustrated you? The choice is yours.

Journey To The Promised Land ( An MLM story )

My recent confrontation with a bunch of ingnorant simpletons was a wake up call. I had no intentions of discussing my past venture into the multi-level marketing industry. But last Saturday just reminded me it is never too late to dig up the dirt.

One of the worst things that can happen to an aspiring entrpreneur is being sucked into the world of MLM, ponzi or the pyramid scheme. In the begining it feels like a no-brainer to not let the opportunity slip by. But what surfaced later on happened to be one of the greatest lessons of my life yet.

The days in college fills our minds and hearts with dreams and aspirations. You know you want to do something big and mostly you have no clue of where to begin. Multi million dollar dreams keep you awake mentally and always on the lookout for opportunities that could get you on the wagon to riches. I was no different from most and one fine day I was introduced to this scheme that made me go, 'why the heck doesn't anybody know about this?'.

As I was still in college, I didn't quite have any money. I could have got it from my folks, but my intention of getting 'serious' about it did not permit me to do so. Selling my phone (which my dad got for me, ofcourse) felt better because though it was not mine, it technically belonged to me. Wasting no time I sold my mobile phone and invested the proceeds in the business plan which I was so sure would change my life forever. And I was right - it forever changed my perspective of life and that was when I consider myself to have reached 'financial puberty'.
  
I was always an ardent fan of Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple inc.. I wanted to 'love and live' my job like he does and did. I almost convinced a few friends of mine that this was the greatest decission of their lives and I could help them get to their dreams. None of my friends had any money and they resolved to means such as borrowing from their folks, pawning a gold chain or loaning it from their friends.

My eyes were glowing with hopes and promises, but something already started troubling me. It never was an easy job to convince my own friends. Now I knew it would be alot harder as the circle gets bigger. But the reality was, the circle got smaller. It got so small that it was now around my neck and tightening too at a steady pace.

I 'earned' the money that I put in. But I felt debted to all the people who 'invested' after me. Nobody could share the enthusiasm I had and I couldn't see through the skeptism of my own close friends. Day after day I started getting calls from my peers on the development. By now it is understood that every single person who joined in was just because 'I said so'. It started becoming clear as people are now expecting me to get back their money. Now I just unintentionally made 'multiple bosses'.

Friends started avoiding me. I  tried to make it a bit comfortable for them because I did not want to 'recruit' every where and every time. It never helped as I was still a part of it and they all knew I was going to ask them to join one day or the other. I started suffocating and the business model that my 'mentors' promoted did not make sense to me. The training sessions felt obsolete and the people who claimed to be 'winners' looked so empty in the inside and it looked like the only reason they are sticking to it is because their hunger for 'attention' is being well fed.

It is a very common custom in MLM for the 'downlines' to accept and cheer the 'uplines'. The uplines expect you to complete unreasonable tasks. They crave attention and this attention is what the downlines are looking forward to. The funniest thing about it is, these downlines give so much hype about this 'great' upline whom the general public don't even know who the F*** he is. It was all make belief .I knew this was a cult and these people are unknowingly following a religion and the uplines are self proclaimed prophets who claim to take you to the promised land.

Though all this did feel so silly and meaningless I was under the impression that I could change it all. Life was more to it than this and I knew that very well. Every time I tried to change from the 'system' an upline would interrupt. Friction built up between me and the 'cult' as I declared that I would only do things my way and if that is not ok I'd quit.

I started despising the system and I refused to entertain phone calls from 'uplines'. And then one day it happened. I got a call from a 'big upline' about the arrival of a 'super upline'. I was instructed to recieve him at the airport. Ok with me if the airport was close by or if I was free or atleast if I had anything to do with that person. I was almsot 650 kms away from the airport (I had gone to my hometown for some time off) and this is how the conversation went on:

The phone rings ...

Me : Hello?

He : This is Amit ji speaking. Good Morning!  (It is 9 at night and it is mandatory to suffix 'ji' to every associate. No matter what time of the day, you greet with a 'Good Morning'. Pretencious Piece of Crap! )

Me : Yes ji, How are you? ( I avoid replying with a 'Good Morning' as I don't want to make a fool out of myself)

He : Ahemm ... You forgot to say Good Morning.

Me : Oh yes, Ji, I am sorry. I'll remember that next time. How may I help you? (I still avoid it as I drift the conversation)

He : I don't need your help, Ji. I have called you to help you. I have this greeeeaaaaaaaaat opportunity for you! (Nothing is just great. It is always greeeaaaaaat!)

Me : Oh wow, Ji, I am excited. (I honestly don't give a monkey ball about it)

He : Sumit Ji is coming to Chennai. I want you to recieve him and give him the respect that he deserves.

Me : Wow, Really? I feel honored, Amit ji. But I am sorry I can't be there. I am in my native and it is almost 650 kms from Chennai. ( I don't know who the f*** Sumit is and the only respect I'd wanna give is the repsect for the dead)

He : Are you trying to tell me that you'd be late? You know I don't take No for an answer, don't ya? I would suggest you catch a flight to chennai and recieve him before Sumit ji arrives. (This guy must be f***in kiddin me. This Sumit piece of shit arrives in 10 hours it would cost me almost as much as the money I put in in this MLM shit  to catch a flight)

Me : No ji, I am not trying to say I can't. I am clearly saying I won't! ( I add a small laugh just make it sound silly and funny)

He : Oh, Shuaib ji, you are not letting me help you. You know what kind of a person Sumit ji is? He can make a dead man walk ...

And this is where I lost it. My patience was tested to its fullest and I start feeling slightly better that I am not in Chennai. (I don't wanna be framed for assaulting an ass**** now, do I? )

So, there I stood with the phone in my hand. I took a deep breath and this is what I wanted to tell -

'Why don't ya then ask that Sumit son of a ***** to stay in Delhi and make a living out of resurrecting dead people? Or you should just fix an appointment with him and get resurrected  yourself! And when you are at it, why don'ya take your minions too with you, you low life piece of sh**? I swear I would come down and stuff that phone you holding right up your sorry *************************************** !'

But instead I said, ' Wow, what an impressive resume Sumit Ji must be having. Now I don't need to feel bad that I missed the chance. I would kindly request you to cut the call and make sure you don't call me again. Thankyou for your call and for one time let me remind you, it is 'Goodnight! and Goodbye!' 

I had blocked Amit 'jinger pants' phone number and called it a quit. It is easy for the happy associates to call me a quitter. All I have to tell you people is, if you still think you are having a great time being a zombie associate, please contact Sumit ji. Trust me, you need it ;)

Multi Level Madness

I responded to an advertisement on the 'gumtree' website. I am in need of a job to balance my stupid friggin' budget and the idea of a 'sales representative' sounded catchy. A guy calls me up and tells me about this 'meeting' I should attend and we shall discuss job opportunities at it. Though I was skeptic in the beginning, the curious cat in me made it a point that I go for the meeting. This was partly also because the 'job opportunities' my caller told me about felt positive.

Better early than late ( Oh how I wish I were always that way ), I reached almost half an hour in advance. It was a huge hall and I wanted to make sure I was in the right place ( When did interviews take place in auditoriums? ). The receptionist could not find any reservations for an interview or a meeting. She did mention about an MLM session, which I hoped was not what I was there for. I called up my caller and asked him if I was in the right place. He apologized for his being late and assured me that he would be there in fifteen minutes. Quarter of an hour passed and came in a marvelous Mercedes and popped out a charming young man. He was full of zeal about what he was doing and invited me for a cup of coffee. We discussed my interests and my responsibilities over a cappuccino. He introduced me to his 'mentor'. Now I was sure what I was in for. I thought I'd sit back and just enjoy the show. (Trying to be polite for a cappuccino)

And the show began: Introductory music for each speaker, loud cheers from 'new recruits', 'You can' promises and what not. For certain reasons I don't wish to disclose the name of the MLM scheme or the person who invited me. But I should tell you; I did start liking the idea of observing the whole scenario. The only thing I felt bad about (other than the obvious presence of so many people with dreams and aspirations) was the fact that I was going to turn down the offer in the end. The guy who invited me ( or the person who thought I was a proscpective recruit) seemed to be an innocent fellow whom I wished he knew more about the math behind MLM schemes. He was a new recruit who just quit his current job and got fully involved into this hardly a few weeks back. I sat through the whole session (Damn that cappuccino!). It was funny how they tried to make the audience 'believe' in them. I played along and the session came to an end.

If you are familiar with how these sessions work, there is a part after the main session when you are made to sit down with a 'leader' who explains to you more in detail and tries to convince you asking questions like, 'can't you see the great potential in it?'. All I gave was a smile. This was because I was in a group where there were other people who were all excited about the idea. I didn't want to break the bad news to them, especially to my new friend who was having millionaire dreams already. (I still wonder why he chose this after owning a Mercedes and a Mont Blanc). But I don't want to judge anybody, so I kept quite and pretended to be the skeptic procrastinator (which I am).

I noticed that the other lady who was with me had responded to the same advertisement and was in a situation not knowing how to avoid this whole thing. She started giving excuses like how she didn't know too many people and how she couldn't afford the product (or the business plan). But these people are trained to read from a script and these questions are common. It doesn't take too much time to get used to this and you will be surprised by the predictability of stupidity ( Yes, I borrowed that line from the movie,'Snatch'). This is where I started feeling like a prophet. I didn't want to pull her away from this, but I knew she was struggling and I could help. So I spoke for the first time and started with a question, 'Why the urgency?'.

He couldn't get my question. I wanted to know why he was desperate about making a quick decision.

'I was under the belief that haste makes waste', I said.

He asks me why would I leave such a wonderful opportunity now and regret later because the whole world will be a part of it in a year. (This company has been declaring that for the past 16 years and I knew about this only an hour back)

So I asked, 'Does that mean that you know this business will saturate once everybody knows about it?'.

He dodges this question and returns with a cheap shot. He says that I am not 'qualified' for this.

'Are you trying to trigger my ego? I wouldn't get in just to prove to you that I am qualified', I responded.

There was silence for a few seconds, but this silence gave the woman the courage she needed. She stood up declaring that she wouldn't join. It was obvious that the two 'leaders' where not seasoned enough to handle pricks like me. I wished the leader a very 'bright' future (out in the streets, ofcourse) and bid farewell to my new friend.

I walked out with a victorious grin. Though I felt bad that my venture for a job today turned out to be this I sure was happy I got something to write about.

My friends know how I too fell for a very seemingly lucrative MLM which seasoned me in to an anti-MLM prophet.

Hopefully, my next post will be about my own story - birth and death of an MLM associate.

What is Freedom?

A hundred days in a foreign land and I have grown tired of my Indian friends complaining about the lack of freedom in Australia. You are forced to keep the place tidy, and that hurts.

The burden of throwing away trash into a trash can really spoil your mood if you are never used to the practice before. Back in my hometown, a person who wishes to dispose trash safely is dismissed as a nerd or a silly show off. I realized that I don't have the urge to spit often. It might sound disgusting to most, but the idea of spitting absolutely anywhere (as long as it is not where you sit or where you eat from) is acceptable and rather 'cool'.

The definition of freedom, hence for Indians I know, is the freedom to litter. But things changed when I had a discussion on this topic with an African friend. He was very irritated because back in Africa he could get drunk and sing happily in the middle of the night. You can't do that here because you might be disturbing the public.

He says that the two greatest killers in Africa are car crashes and AIDS. 'Men and women are very promiscuous and we don't wear condoms cos that ain't part of our culture', he said. Freedom, here is the ability to do anything as long as you are OK with it.

I was slightly worried when he said that people cruise at 150 kmph on an average. This is because I happened to lose a friend in a car crash and he was driving at a speed well under 100 kmph. Intrigued by the statement I asked him if people drive in the wrong side of the road. He threw me a look of disgust like I asked him if the Eiffel tower were in Africa. He didn't reply, but turned the question back to me asking, 'do they in India?'. I paused for a moment. 'No', I said, 'we don't have a'wrong' side!'. He got the joke only after a few seconds.

Well what is freedom then? Is it alright to exercise my freedom even if it were to curb someone else's? Somehow I am convinced that being lazy is dubbed as freedom in many countries. I broke out into an argument with a friend about littering. When asked the question, 'why do you put trash in the trash can here, but anywhere in India?', he happily turned the question into ,' well, why don't you do it then?'. If there can be anything more annoying to me more than that, I'd lose it.

I wish I could tell that I would. But we all know that we change. I don't have the freedom to keep my city clean in India. I don't have the freedom to choose whether to keep the city clean or not in Sydney.

What do you think is freedom?

Airport Paranoia

My trip to Melbourne deserves a chapter in my imaginary journal. It was a short trip full of surprises. Begining with a random check at the Sydney airport, it was just getting better and better. Did I mention that I got randomly selected in Melbourne airport too? Yes, but this time it was very simple which hardly took them a minute.

I think it is just going to be part of the routine. You know, as kids how we always used to think that being an adult would be so cool with all the previleges? Then we wish upon childhood again. Airport security makes you feel the same, but in a rather unique way.

On my trip back to Sydney, I made it a point that I closely observe what goes on around me. The Melbourne airport had its usual security check and security sign boards put up everywhere. Most of the signs read, 'Airport Security is no joke. All jokes will be taken seriously.' After I was randomly selected for screening, I sat by the officer's desk just so that I get a clear picture of who gets lucky.

The following people turned out to be the other lucky winner who won a free trip to the 'explosives check' department :

1) A lady in her mid 40's. She had a baby in a tram and 2 little kids who were obviously not even mid schoolers.
2) A clueless Indian who went,' Why you want to check me only?'.(I am sure you'd think he deserved it)
3) An old woman in her 60's who could hardly carry her handbag. Maybe the officer got suspicious about the extra heavy handbag. She just turned out to be an extra weak old lady.

That's it. I got bored and walked away. But this observation was made over a period of 15 minutes. Every other healthy and hefty young men walked out with empty hands.

What bugged me most was the sign boards about joking. I know it is not cool to play around with something so serious. But what interests me is the absolute paranoia that floats in the atmosphere. The very gesture that would remotely lead to suspicion can get you in trouble.

I wonder how it is an established fact that a terrorist would be a brown skinned guy who shows 'signs' that he is upto something wicked. Now the question is, don't people get smarter? Do people fall for the same old trick over and over again. It obviously is deception that can make the act of terrorism a success.

Considering the number of suicide bombings and plane hijackings. One could say that the terrorists got through airport security because of the staff were careless. But, imagine a guy who is putting his life at risk to do something so wicked; would he just show it off with signs and jeopardise what he considers is right? Wouldn't he try to blend in with the general public?

Next time I get into a plane, I am gonna watch out for people talkin' about footy! Yes, that's what i'm gonna do! I am gonna get all paranoid and report to the authority. Anybody who looks like an Ausie but can't speak like one gets into the list. If you can spell any word that's got more than 6 alphabets, you join the list too.

Imagine a world full of diverse people, differentiated by color, status, ethnicity, figure and mobile phones; each scared of the other and paranoid about it; each person suspicious of the other; each person trying to safeguard their lives and iPhones from each other ... That's a vision. We won't need airport security. We won't fly. We wont drive. We won't get out of our homes. We won't even get up from that wretched couch. All we need is TV and junk food. Just like now. Silly B******s !

Congratulations, Lucky Bomber!

I write this from Melbourne. A lovely place I wish I could stay for long and go around. But my trip is short and I have to get back to Sydney tomorrow.

I was on my way to airport. It was a very normal day and everything was going just fine. I was all excited about meeting my brother at Sydney that I ended up using an expired ticket in the bus and earning a ridiculous stare from the 'perfect' people in the bus. I duly apologized and took out my other ticket and got into the bus. I reached the airport in time.

I had no luggage except for my backpack. I checked in, got my boarding pass and started walking towards Gate 56. And a smart dressed officer with a friendly smile stopped me. His grin vanished as he explained that I was 'randomly' selected for an explosives check and handed to me a notice which had a passage written in Arabic and English. 'What a privilege!', I thought to myself as he was giving me instructions and making it clear that it was 'random' and i needed to 'cooperate'.

'Random, huh?', I asked the officer with a wicked smile. He smiled back with an instrument in his hand which clearly said, 'mess with me and I'll Bite!'. Not like I was given an option. I have to cooperate here or I cooperate elsewhere! So I stood there still ready to follow orders. They ran a scan just to make sure I was clean. I could read boards that said,' Airport security is no joke. Jokes made about it will be taken seriously.'

So I was put through the test and the word was out. I was clean! For a minute I was skeptic as I realized I was the only brown guy with a beard around! I would've got freaked if I saw myself in the mirror. I took it in the funniest way possible. My bags were checked and the officer thanked me being so cooperative. I thought again to myself, 'do I have a choice?'.

As I walked off I had a mixed feeling of embarrassment and victory. Embarrassed to be stereotyped and proud to have showed them that they were wrong. Now the question is is this justifiable? I don't wish to comment on that. But I do wish to tell the world that if we are late for an appointment, we have a solid reason. Extra Security Check.

When Nonsense Makes Sense

When was the last time you had too much time to think about something that was not amusing otherwise and ended up contemplating too much that you came up with a wonderful idea? The feeling is out of the world. The feeling of being the first person on earth to scale the tallest mountain. Now you have reached the top of the mountain. But reaching first is just not enough. The world has to know that it was you who did it. You need a flag with your name on it to be hoisted there. And you search for that flag. The flag is the realization of the potential of the idea that sprang in your thoughts. The need to apply the idea in reality.

These ideas don't show up every now and then. So you intend to safeguard the idea. You wonder why none on earth never thought of it. You want this message to be heard across the nation, maybe the whole world. And hence you start off in your quest. This usually begins with a chat over a cup of coffee or at the dinner table. And there, in front a wise person, you reveal your excellent idea. You get neutral responses until the idea is nothing different from what is already known. And once the border is approached, all you get is a big, 'That's Nonsense!'.

Dissapointed, you usually tend to forget the idea over time. A few of us pursue it and only a few of us pursue it until they are branded as the children of the devil. And the rest of us just figure out a way to make money out of it.

The funny fact is, plenty of things that you thought were nonsense start making sense only after a very close friend or mentor talks in favour of it. This has a simple explanation or reason. Denial. We live in denial and we cannot digest change especially when proposed by someone else. All the gibberish uttered when high on alcohol or weed does not count for brilliant ideas. That is the beauty of it. We never know how good or bad our idea is.

Hitler thought the holocaust was a great idea. Gandhi thought non-violence was a great idea. Both had plenty of people who agreed with them. But we don't agree with Hitler's idea. And most of us agree with Gandhi.

Now that we have established the fact that ideas can make sense and be utter nonsense at the same time to different people, let us narrow down the perspective of 'idea'. The existense of God is a belief to most, good idea to few and bad idea to the rest. Who decides which is which ?

What is nonsense to me can make a lot of sense to you and vice versa. What makes no sense to me now can make a lot of sense when I am high tomorrow. So, nonsense is something that has not made sense to you till date. It is like new technology that we still are not exposed to. Who thought that moving pictures on screen was a great idea?

So, when an idea is accepted by a group of people, it becomes a good idea. The larger the amount of people accepting it, the better it becomes. Now it is slightly confusing. All of us are not rocket scientists and all ideas are not rocket science. Each of us have our own level of understanding and yet we agree upon certain ideas.

We all agree the internet is a great idea. But my grandmother finds it obsolete. She doesnt need it. And she has spent all her life without it. I know a few business men who don't even have an email id. They flourish at what they do best.

Now the big momma of all questions. Is God a belief, a good idea or a bad idea? If it is a good idea, why do atheists disagree? If atheists think it is a bad idea, on what basis? We all know one thing for a fact. Atheists have unanswered questions. Theists have no questions. The former is reason and latter is belief. Now who decides who is right?

Just because a group agrees doesn't mean it a good idea. And just because my questions aren't answered doesnt make my argument right. Knowledge is to be seeked. Questions that arise in the mind require answers. And answers don't just show up.

Period.

Yes, I am Indian and No, That wasn't me

Greetings to all ...

I write now from Singapore. I write now in a funny state of mind. I had no intentions of blogging during my short visit here. But blogging is not about writing gibberish. Well ... it is not entirely about writing gibberish. Maybe it is but gibberish that people can relate to. Or maybe not. God ... homesickness must be getting into my head already.

It is early in the morning. Infact too early for a guy like me. Thanks to the midnight flight I am wide awake and all energetic. I can take a 10 feet long leap now and probably land in a nice cozy bed and have a nice sleep!

I, like you, wanted to have a fresh start. You know, one of those fresh starts where you imagine yourself to be reborn. Nothing pulling you back and just your goal ( whatever it may be! Mine right now won't even qualify as one) up ahead in your mind. The promising feeling. It is like you are a nobody ( Not the 'loser' nobody, but someone who 's past is forgotten). It is almost like you have a whole world of choices and you get to choose which direction your life would slide towards. And so I did.

I thought I 'd start my day with a warm cup of coffee and the local Newspaper. I got 'coke' instead ( I know. A silly replacement.). I opened a random page and thought I 'd read anything that caught my eye. At this point I almost fell like I was a world citizen, with no concern of where I was born or what ethnic group I belong to. And what do I see?

I see this :

http://www.hindu.com/2009/03/15/stories/2009031556391600.htm

I am Indian. I wonder what explanation we have for this!!!

Kick me, I am Indian.

Indian students in Australia are being targetted. What used to be a rare inscident is too common these days that not a single Indian in Australia is spared. It is high time somebody does something about this. Yes, I am refering to the issue that is actually going unnoticed. The issue of every human being who is even remotely related to an Indian who has a 4th cousin working in a call centre that is only based in Australia being asked the same type of questions,' How bad is racism there?'and 'Was that you getting beaten up on Youtube ?'.

'We shall stop all trains to Australia', suggests ex Railway employee. 'But granpa, we don't have any trains to Australia!', exclaims 5 year old grandson who spends most of his play time productively socializing on Orkut. 'Glad they already thought about it!', replies granpa who is convinced that he got his job at the Indian Railways after his mentor got him a 'lucky stone' ring after carefully analizing his stars. Things seemed to come grandpa's way ever since until he was killed in a car accident. Things did come his way this time because he was on the wrong side of the road.

'It is a serious issue and requires serious attention', says veteran tea shop owner who is an active member of the Malayali Tea Shop Owners Association. He was one among the noble few who thought humans are broadly classified into two categories: Malayalis and Non-Malayalis. The tea shops in India are common places where people condemn racism in Australia.

The Australian government had tried its best to limit the incidents to 'assault on individuals', but that is not what we want to see on the news. News is interesting when it is tragedy somewhere. The more tragic it is, the more we like it on TV. It sold like hot cakes, errr ... or maybe like hot paav baajis ( that's more Indian) when the media used the word 'racism'. Oh, we loved it after that.

Was it really an act of racism? or was it an incident where the victims happened to be Indians and the media has blown the issue out of proportion ? Whatever it is it certainly has united a nation that is well divided within itself on grounds of race, cast, religion and whatever the wonderful human mind could think of.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. But these protests, that are done with an intention of 'protecting' the interests of Indian students abroad can trigger a cascade of events that will only be seen through racist eyes. Now that it has already begun time will tell what lies ahead.

Call Courtesy

What was a luxury I couldn't afford is now a necessity. Mobile phones are so common these days that the next thing they ask you after your second name is your mobile number. We are so well connected these days that a person is just a phone call away.

What landline phones did untill a few years ago, mobile phones do now and with more efficiency. Phones in the early days identified a location while mobile phones today identify an individual. Landline phones are being restricted to official use.

The usage of texting in mobile phones has influenced our lives so much that missing out vowels in words is not a crime anymore. The primary idea of SMS is to leave a message. But SMS has evolved into conversations with excessive pauses in between without actually talking.

It is pretty clear that I intend to talk about something related to mobile phones. But the issue is too little by volume that I had to put together bits and pieces that are only remotely related to the topic. (:D)

It happened once that a friend of mine wanted me to inform him the moment I meet a mutual acquaintance. I happened to meet the person at a wedding and after a few minutes of casual chatting it occured to me that I could inform my friend. I wasted no time, excused myself and made a call. The number was not busy, but there was no answer. I tried one more time and this time I let it ring for as long as it could. No answer. I kept trying another few more times and then I gave up and resumed talking to the person.

We had a long chat and we discussed and joked about a few mutually interesting things. I learned that this person is the one my friend was supposed to meet for his job. And this person has a flight to catch the same night! It felt like it was I who needed that job badly. In no time my phone was out again and I kept calling my friend hoping he would realize the urgency.

It got late and the guests started leaving. I had to leave as well and I took one last look at my phone. I drove back home. A good sleep would help as I was a bit tired. After replying for my mails I went to bed. I put my phone to charge and tried to get some sleep.

My phone beeped and I took it to check my message. Then I thought I'd give him another call and hence I did. Just one ring and he picked it up. 'Hello, bro! Wassup?', he said. A bit confused I asked him if he was busy the whole day and whetherhe was aware of the fact that I tried to call him. 'Yeah man, I was just about to call ya back. 15 missed calls! Phew! Why'd ya give me so many missed calls ? A single missed call would have sufficed!'. I paused for a few seconds a pulled myself together. I knew it for certain that I need to choose my words here. But frustration overshadowed everything else and I came back with,' I didn't give you a missed call! I called and YOU MISSED IT!' and hung up.

Politically Pathetic take on the Elections

It wasn't early. But 10 'o' clock was early enough for a guy with absolutely no plans or whatsoever. As the right hand lazily held a cup of tea my left hand reached out for the TV remote after a micro session of 'scratch my head' that I religiously do every morning.

The TV was already on and before I could think of changing the channel or even scanning the remote control buttons a hand snatched the remote away from me. 'Hey! What's the big idea?', I asked and all I got is a gesture that clearly said, 'Shut up!'.

So I turned to the TV. What did I see? It sure looked like the News with all numbers around the guy in it. People who sported a white attire that is so white that a white mask on them would make the blacks get real pissed off( If you didn't get the joke, I meant to say they 'd look like followers of the KKK) were being interviewed. An itch prompted me to give my unshaven cheek a scratch with my left index finger which bore the dark line that citizens get after exercising their right to vote.

Now, after almost 3 minutes of total confusion, it all becomes clear. Votes are being counted all over India and the media is having an orgasm over it. After that, it was like watching cricket. And watching cricket is what I do when the I am tired of rolling my eyeballs fast enough so that I can actually see the blades of a ceiling fan that is running at full speed (Take the hint!). This is a free nation and I have the right to think that watching flies is more amusing than cricket.  

Things got interesting ... after surfing all the other channels and realizing that this is all that I can see. People all over India, including myself in my pyjamas are waiting for the moment of truth. The ruling party was leading in most places and the political scenario in my state was almost the same. Leaders, some expressing their gratitude while others exclaimed how shocked they were. Well over a billion people in the nation have nothing else in mind for now, but this.

Now I am excited too. I liked the freak show on the streets that got over just a few days back. The whole idea of campaigning and other pre-election stunts was a wonderful sight to see. It was election fever every where. Everybody made it a point that they spare a few hours of each day in expressing their views on who will form the next government. Political leaders who would swear that they saw a white crow were patrolling the streets. And now they are all waiting for the results like everybody else does.

It was getting late (not for work or anything. I mean, how long do I stare at a couple of numbers that go up and down?). But the fact that my single vote was contributing to the ultimate decision was exciting. Now I start flipping TV channels and try to get a clearer idea of the political scenario.

Then it was declared that the party I had voted for had secured a seat. I was all excited. The people have spoken! I stood with joy and pride. A grin across my face that proudly stated our victory. I could imagine millions of people cheering. I could think of nothing but celebration.

I switched off the TV and decided to take a walk. I opened the doors and took a deep breath like I could actually smell victory. But this time victory smelt funny. It was not the smell, but the feeling. It was like I had a splash of water right on my face. A sudden realization of reality. It was like this was the question Socrates would have yelled out loud if he were here. It was simple, yet true. And I asked myself,

                                                   'The results are out. SO ?!!!!'

Love Marriage - The Myth.

'Love Marriage' versus 'Arranged Marriage' - the topic college students who, even unintentionally took part in a debate or group discussion would have come across atleast once in their lifetime. An easy topic to discuss, but rarely makes any sense. 

Since this topic has been discussed many a times it is mandatory to look deep into the roots of it and maybe even ponder upon the necessity of this argument. 

It has always been a puzzle for me as the only defence these 'Arranged Marriage' supporters could come up with is the fact that their parents could come for their support or maybe that their parents who had chosen everything for them all along should be let to choose their life partners too. 

And the adversaries, on the other hand, can never think of anything else, but the fact that we need to 'share' things with a person before going for the wedlock. The other argument would be that their parents should start realizing that they are grown ups and they have the right to choose their soulmates.

This argument may continue for hours since we all know these arguments are based on assumptions and are never done with the intention of coming to a decission. Now let us try to break it down into smaller and mmore digestible pieces and try asking some goofy questions too. :p

 

Arranged marriage is out of the discussion. Let us consider that these men and women are just too busy with their schedule that they left all their decisions to be made by their well wishers. We shall appreciate the respect they have for their parents and how they have some how figured it out that no matter how much they try, their parents would never 'understand'!

Now, the tricky opposition party - Love Marriage. It is first mandatory, yes, absolutely mandatory to shake off all the prejudice and accept the fact that the idea of love is more  biological. It is a mammalian drive. And we, are mammals. So it is understood that we need love, no matter what. ( To Hell with all those who think they don't need Love!)

Considering a pair, in love. The idea is to make sure that they are ready for a 'long term'  commitment. This period can vary from anything between a day to a few years and maybe even till the end of their lives. So, this 'trial' period will be extended on the basis of certain factors and when they realize that their partners know too much of their dirty secrets, they decide to marry.

These cuouples share everything from a cup of coffee to a side of their bed. 

Now, I am confused. What the heck is marriage then? Isn't this exactly what two people are expected to do after they are married? If you plan to make it official through marriage, what took you so long? They say love is to be felt and not forced. Agreed! Then why get married just because the society demands it? If marriage is done as an agreement to stay committed, why even bother to get married since a commitment is between the couple and not anybody else ? Alright, maybe marriage is done to show legality of the relationship. Then isn't marriage, here, reduced to a 'license' to have sex? Now whatever happened to the divinity of marriage? 

Now we move on to the love pair who 'keep it' to themselves. They make sure they don't 'cross' the forbidden line, but enjoy the beauty of the relationship. How could you not want to cross the line when you are still a mammal inside? If the thought never struck you so far, maybe you are just not 'into' the opposite sex!  Inability to  cross the line causes frustration, which inturn results in something that rhymes with it! 

Maybe I am just not 'getting' it. How could there even be 'love' before marriage when that is what marriage is all about? This is striclty not 'for' arranged marriage. The question is, if you declare to be in love, why not get married? Who demands you to start a 'family' as soon as you get married? If marriage would make things difficult by giving you a 'responsibility' or a 'commitment', then isn't that what 'love' too is all about. Is it that staying 'in love' before marriage always gives you a 'second chance'?  If so, then whatever happened to 'commitment'?

If 'breaking up' is so easy, why is 'divorce' so difficult? Is it that there are too many legal procedures behind it? Why not go for a divorce with 'mutual consent' ? Thinking about it, it just does not make sense. A person who 'plays around' will not change just because he or she got married. 

Isn't the biggest defence these 'lovers' take is being all 'grown up'? I can see, because when I was a kid and I was puzzled of why the bull kept jumping upon the cow, I knew I'd know why when I grow up. Now don't tell me 'this' is what grown-ups do!

Why not act like grown ups and 'declare' that you are in a relationship? Why not make it official? And if marriage is just a formality, why bother doing it? If not, why not try giving it the importance that it deserves?

Now, the statement that would be a part of the rebuttal is,' Due to pressure from the peers it is hard to declare or make a big decission.' One of the biggest decisions of life is 'choosing' a life partner and one of the biggest events is 'marriage'. If the former is not taken seriously the latter becomes obsolete. And by 'taking seriously', 'trial and error' is not the right way. If you could commit yourself, stay committed. If not, marriage is definitely not the thing for you.

Now I leave it to you. What's your take on this?

Documented Love

We have done it again. And this time it is much funnier and more interesting too. The act of 'expressing' love and 'documenting' it by capturing it on video for future reference is one of the greatest ideas man could ever come up with ( sarcasm, intended). And how the media loves to discuss this issue is a delightful and amusing sight.

Sex video scandal is not something so very new for India to be really shocked about. News reporters and editors display their mastery in play with words when it comes to reporting such issues. Infact, news is business too. And it sells only when rightly marketed.

The last time the media was jumping in joy ranting about an issue similar to this was when a video of a high school girl expressing the love she had for her guy was spread through MMS. The couple HAD to record this because incase the guy or girl ever happened to suffer from amnesia they would forget how intimate they used to be. Thanks to the viral video that is one incident the girl involved is never to forget even if she were to go into a coma.

The recent incident involves two MBA students who were in 'love' and allegedly were to get married. The girl, being very thoughtful, wanted to 'openly express' what she really had for her guy(come on, I can't get into more details!). She hence has 'documented' her performance. This is where the guy acted 'guy'ish or rather 'kiddish'. He had forwarded it to all his wonderful friends who realized that this could be the remedy to the current economic crisis and distributed the same to the masses. Would you believe that the news also tells that the couple broke-up after this and the marriage was called off? Now that's how deep our news reporters get into a story!

What puzzles me is that, how on earth could a 23 year old girl doing an MBA actually think that a video like this would stay a secret? Even if she had trusted the guy so much, the intention of recording anything is to 'preserve' atleast one copy for future use. Which means it is available for duplication with or without consent!

We have all heard it plenty of times. The phrase used by most as a shield or rather an excuse to anything that goes wrong in a relationship - 'Love is blind'. But in several cases love is dumb and stupid too!

I don't see a situation where a sceptic friend would need documentation to support the claim of an ongoing relationship! If love where to be something to be to be felt, why do we need all this? And if this is something acceptable in love, then what is all the gibberish about love only being felt? Yes, love and sex compliment each other, but only within four walls and only with your better half.

Love is in the air, and this time it stinks!

Peace.

Love-in the air

Almost a week has gone by after Valentine's Day and love is still in the air, or maybe the heart shaped candy box that you got for your girl is still up above the cupboard. Sooner or later it goes up into the loft or maybe comes flying right into your face next time you mess up ( literally in the air ).

An unforgetable night, or atleast that is what we all imagined it would be for atleast a week preparing for the big night. Thanks to Hallmark and others our credit cards had never rusted off, but our minds sure have.

Thoughts continued, ideas collected and scenarios imagined - man would do anything to please his lady love on this special day. Very close attention needs to be payed on what needs to be done to make the flow of events smooth enough to melt the very hearts of his 'her'. But at the end of the day it is not what you got for her, but whether you did or not.

Hearts hung from every point possible, flashing red makes it confusing for the nerd who forgot his glasses as whether it is bloodshed everywhere! (Alright, that's a dumb joke!) But too much of red is unnecessary.

But then, it is business. Who would buy an oversized teddy bear on any other normal day ? Even a child would get scared to wake up to a 5 foot teddy staring at her in the middle of the night. Absolutely anything can be sold off during the second week of February. Pile up all of the goods that never sold through the year and fix a big red heart to each of 'em. And just see the magic, no wonder love is in the air. It is contageous and shop owners are jumping in joy!

We have such a busy schedule and we need to escape into a world of love. Money and time spent on making the night a memorable one and the next day we realise work is much better! Not really- it is just that it is too hard to be all in love through the year. Maybe that is why man had to put aside one day of his life dedicating to the entity dubbed love. Too rude a statement to make, but this is what it has become.

Just don't let love go off in the air. Hold on to it, for it is the only proof that keeps alive the debate on the reality of Darwin's theory.